Better Luck Next Time

It's the weekend. TGIF and I mean it! This week has been a rough one. I have a laundry list of things that irked me but I will summarize with two major causes; (1) my bike was stolen, again (2) my landlord is slightly incompetent. These things on there own are bad enough and shoved into such a short time span I had a hard time dealing.
That is until I realized that I simply complain more than I should/have right to. All I could focus on was how things were not going my way; how now I have to buy a new bike and I'm living in the smallest space I've ever lived in and I might have been happier in a tent like I had last summer than the place I'll be in for the next six weeks. While all of that is still relevant and true I realize that I've been pretty blessed considering what could happen.

• Even though I'm walking to and from work I haven't been rained on yet. Huge blessing since it rains practically everyday, especially in the early morning. 
• I only lost a bike, not something more valuable. 
• I'm not sick, I don't have so much of a cold this week and I deffinatly don't have to deal with a chronic illness like so many others. 
• My family loves me and puts up with my crazy rants. 
• I had two paydays this weeks so financially I am in the clear. 
• The walking time I have also gives me the perfect opportunity to call home and catch up.
• My landlord hasn't unexpectedly kicked me out as he has done with other tenets.
• I'm getting my way in the end (even if the end is six weeks away)
• I can now count down the days until I'm home! 41!

See, I am pretty fortunate in many areas and that is what I should be focusing on. I know life will always be throwing me a curve ball and while this time I missed and swung wild with a negative attitude there is hope for the future that I can handle situations and set backs better in times to come.

Seem's Like It's Time To Sleep

First things first, let's just be clear that at 3 am I don't think clearly and all emotions seem so intensely heightened, especially the negative and this caused my last post to be extremely dramatic. I made a mountain out of a mole hill. Upon reflection and much needed sleep I was kind of a cry baby. 

That being said, I should probably be asleep right now. I'm not though. For some unknown reason I cannot fall asleep tonight. I'll blame it on the half hour nap I took at 8. Woe is me, I'll probably be up until 1 or 2 staring into nothingness wishing I could drift into a peaceful slumber. 

In more exciting new tomorrow I am moving rooms. This is happy and sad. I love my current roommate she's the best one I've ever had and we get along so well but moving rooms signifies one step closer to becoming roomies with my bestie who is currently hiding on the east coast. Another downer is that I will be moving all of my possessions down 3 flights of stairs and then back up 1 before it settles in its final destination. That is going to kick my but with all the climbing and I just have so much stuff. I think I may use this opportunity to weed out clothes for donation and re-decorate my space. Who knows what will happen. 

I suppose I should try and sleep again. I don't think it will happen for a while but it's worth a shot. Good night world. :)

I'm the Lamest Kid I Know

Let me tell you about my life. I wake up each day usually some around 5 am and I go to work. I stay at work (hoping between two jobs) until 6pm when I go to my sisters for dinner go home around 9 repeat process. Working about 50hrs a week doesn't exactly leave all the time/energy to go and make new friends. And most/all of my current friends have left me for the summer so I have no social life. While life isn't terrible and I do love spending time with my sister and her family some times I have moments where I realize how bad it sucks.

Tonight is one of those moments.

There was a HUGE dance on campus that I've actually been looking forward to tonight. I was seeing this as an opportunity to talk to the acquaintances/ friends I have but hardly ever see and I was going to be social. I hardly ever do anything with just friends any more and I'm really really starting to miss just hanging out. So, I wanted to go to this dance. I'd been thinking about it all day.

But, I was tired. I watched the premier of HP7.2 the night before and still got up for work on time. Running on 3 hrs of sleep my defenses were a little low and although I had only planned on it being a small nap. Just and hr or two before the dance started. No, I slept right threw the dance. I am so pissed at myself. I know it probably seems silly to be mad that I missed a dance but this was the perfect chance for me to be incredibly social and still be within my comfort zone. I could see everyone, because everyone was going to the dance, and meet new people.

Now, here I am. Up at 3am because I'm fuming over the fact that I missed the dance. .... And being up at 3 am means I'm going to be tired again tomorrow night so I will go to be early and be incredibly lame once again.

Guess Who Has Tonsillitis :(

This post is made special for Erin.

With that being said I'll tell you whats up. So, the past few days I have had what I thought was a terrible cold. I had a runny nose, cough, sore throat and was completely exhausted but I had been trying real hard to fight it off and was taking over the counter medicine but it just wasn't going away. I finally gave in and decided to go to the Health Center here on campus. After running a few tests it was confirmed: Tonsillitis. :( I'm now taking antibiotics, cough medicine(again) and some thing for a sore throat. Plus, I have to take the next few days off work to re cooperate and get better. I hope I get better soon!

Oh well, in other news I finished Spring term. I'm still waiting for my grades to be posted... I know I didn't do to well though....

oh gee, I sound all sorts of pessimistic today. haha, sorry guys.

I promise more optimistic things in the future.

Time for Contemplation and Slacking Off

Ok, first off I would like to admit to you that I should be finishing homework. There is a research paper that hasn't been started, a stats test to be studied for, a novel to be read, and accounting assignments that are beckoning me. I'll ignore them right now however, because I just do not feel like dealing with it.
Today I realized that I love my jobs. The one as a lifeguard and the one in the cell shop. When I realized this I was amazed at myself. I've pretty much always loved my LG job but I started out HATING my job at the cell shop. It made me cry. I felt incompetent. I felt inadequate. I wanted to quit terribly. But I stuck it out because I needed the money. Now, less than 2 months later I love my job.
I'm starting to think that this sudden affection towards the space no bigger than a walk in closet is partially due to the stress of school. Due dates seem to be mounting and pressing down on me. I'm starting to doubt if i could do it. Can I make it through? What If I can't write that paper? What if I fail one more test? What if that ONE concept just doesn't make any sense to me? When I am at work, I focus on work. It doesn't matter t me because my mind has to be focused on something else ans the stress from school is pushed back. I toy with the idea of what it would be like to just work. To say screw it to my education and find a job steady enough to give me a small income. .... No, Thats is not an option. Let's face it, I can't work in a cell shop forever. I'll get bored with it soon and want another challenge. To simply work is to be is stagnant. No progression; and I NEED to continually be moving forward. I have to move on. I have to keep going. It's not that hard, I swear to myself that it's not three more weeks and I'll be done with these classes and life will slow down for a moment. I can do this.
Tonight is Friday though, and while I may not have a social life or friends to hang out with I swear I'll take full advantage of it and procrastinate that paper just a little longer. Don't worry, I'll get around to it eventually.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I turned 19. Its that age right after 18 where you become a legal adult and right before 20 when you are no longer a TEEN and people stop cringing when they hear your age. So, what happens when you turn 19? For LDS males they go on a mission... For LDS females.. they are no longer seen as too young to marry? Maybe? I'm not sure. It seems to be just an awkward in-between age. At least it gives an excuse for a celebration!

My dear amazing sister Rouie made me dinner and a marvelous cake which I hope to post pictures of. Oh, everything was perfect. And a few friends came over to celebrate with me. It was nice and small and nothing huge which is actually how I like it. It could only have been improved if I didn't have work all day and assignments still to finish.

I think though, that the most amazing thing out of my birthday is finding out who cares. I've developed a crude way of judging how much people care by the way they wish you a Happy Birthday or if they even remember. To start there is the Facebook friend who see's it is your birthday and writes on your wall. People you don't care about and they likewise are only being polite by the gentle prodding of Facebook simply say "Happy Birthday! I hope it's great!" or something to that effect. Its nice but eh, who cares. Some will leave a longer note with an inside joke or memory or anything acknowledging that they know you outside of the digital world and that means they care slightly more. Then comes the text messagers. This is people who care about you enough to have it be private but realize that they have busy lives/ time differences that make phone calls inconvenient but they want you to know they thought of you. I like these. It really is convenient.Then come the phone calls. This is where people surprise me. To me, or at least today, a phone call meant you really cared. You were making a point to set aside five minutes with time differences an everything else to say "Hey, I remember!" It's shocking the people who called me and the people who only text me... I'll be thinking of one call for a while I am sure.

Anyway, enough of that. My birthday was great. I'm 19 now. I don't know what that means exactly but I guess it's the best I've ever been :)

To My Dearest Jane, I Give You Thanks

As an assignment from my current English course I was to read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I will admit that I started the assignment with little enthusiasm and wished simply for it to be over. The novel however, was greater than I anticipated and before I was a quarter of the way through I was hooked. Honestly, it is the original chick flick written with grace and insight that makes any girl long for a gentleman like Darcy or Bingley (but mainly Darcy).

Where have the men like him gone? I will not dwell on this question long because it is sure to take me to territory that I do not wish to venture into but this last sentence on the subject I will give; I will be a lady worthy of praise and to be held in high regard if I can only find a gentleman so worthy of the same esteem.


There, my Jane Austen wish is done and I can give an update of my current situation. I'm still working and living and going to school. I have reached the half way point in the term and its down hill from here. I hope to earn a B in all of my courses but I am finding it difficult to focus and a research paper (which is based on the Jane Austen novel interestingly enough) is due in less than two weeks that hasn't been started and a statistics test was failed only days ago. I am diligently trying to improve my studies though and minimize distractions. Not that I have many distractions from my non-existent social life :).  I will celebrate another birthday in a few days and I look forward to a small party with family.

Alas, responsibility beckons me and I feel I must leave now. Do not dismay. I will write again as soon as I time allows.