Time for Contemplation and Slacking Off

Ok, first off I would like to admit to you that I should be finishing homework. There is a research paper that hasn't been started, a stats test to be studied for, a novel to be read, and accounting assignments that are beckoning me. I'll ignore them right now however, because I just do not feel like dealing with it.
Today I realized that I love my jobs. The one as a lifeguard and the one in the cell shop. When I realized this I was amazed at myself. I've pretty much always loved my LG job but I started out HATING my job at the cell shop. It made me cry. I felt incompetent. I felt inadequate. I wanted to quit terribly. But I stuck it out because I needed the money. Now, less than 2 months later I love my job.
I'm starting to think that this sudden affection towards the space no bigger than a walk in closet is partially due to the stress of school. Due dates seem to be mounting and pressing down on me. I'm starting to doubt if i could do it. Can I make it through? What If I can't write that paper? What if I fail one more test? What if that ONE concept just doesn't make any sense to me? When I am at work, I focus on work. It doesn't matter t me because my mind has to be focused on something else ans the stress from school is pushed back. I toy with the idea of what it would be like to just work. To say screw it to my education and find a job steady enough to give me a small income. .... No, Thats is not an option. Let's face it, I can't work in a cell shop forever. I'll get bored with it soon and want another challenge. To simply work is to be is stagnant. No progression; and I NEED to continually be moving forward. I have to move on. I have to keep going. It's not that hard, I swear to myself that it's not three more weeks and I'll be done with these classes and life will slow down for a moment. I can do this.
Tonight is Friday though, and while I may not have a social life or friends to hang out with I swear I'll take full advantage of it and procrastinate that paper just a little longer. Don't worry, I'll get around to it eventually.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I turned 19. Its that age right after 18 where you become a legal adult and right before 20 when you are no longer a TEEN and people stop cringing when they hear your age. So, what happens when you turn 19? For LDS males they go on a mission... For LDS females.. they are no longer seen as too young to marry? Maybe? I'm not sure. It seems to be just an awkward in-between age. At least it gives an excuse for a celebration!

My dear amazing sister Rouie made me dinner and a marvelous cake which I hope to post pictures of. Oh, everything was perfect. And a few friends came over to celebrate with me. It was nice and small and nothing huge which is actually how I like it. It could only have been improved if I didn't have work all day and assignments still to finish.

I think though, that the most amazing thing out of my birthday is finding out who cares. I've developed a crude way of judging how much people care by the way they wish you a Happy Birthday or if they even remember. To start there is the Facebook friend who see's it is your birthday and writes on your wall. People you don't care about and they likewise are only being polite by the gentle prodding of Facebook simply say "Happy Birthday! I hope it's great!" or something to that effect. Its nice but eh, who cares. Some will leave a longer note with an inside joke or memory or anything acknowledging that they know you outside of the digital world and that means they care slightly more. Then comes the text messagers. This is people who care about you enough to have it be private but realize that they have busy lives/ time differences that make phone calls inconvenient but they want you to know they thought of you. I like these. It really is convenient.Then come the phone calls. This is where people surprise me. To me, or at least today, a phone call meant you really cared. You were making a point to set aside five minutes with time differences an everything else to say "Hey, I remember!" It's shocking the people who called me and the people who only text me... I'll be thinking of one call for a while I am sure.

Anyway, enough of that. My birthday was great. I'm 19 now. I don't know what that means exactly but I guess it's the best I've ever been :)

To My Dearest Jane, I Give You Thanks

As an assignment from my current English course I was to read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I will admit that I started the assignment with little enthusiasm and wished simply for it to be over. The novel however, was greater than I anticipated and before I was a quarter of the way through I was hooked. Honestly, it is the original chick flick written with grace and insight that makes any girl long for a gentleman like Darcy or Bingley (but mainly Darcy).

Where have the men like him gone? I will not dwell on this question long because it is sure to take me to territory that I do not wish to venture into but this last sentence on the subject I will give; I will be a lady worthy of praise and to be held in high regard if I can only find a gentleman so worthy of the same esteem.


There, my Jane Austen wish is done and I can give an update of my current situation. I'm still working and living and going to school. I have reached the half way point in the term and its down hill from here. I hope to earn a B in all of my courses but I am finding it difficult to focus and a research paper (which is based on the Jane Austen novel interestingly enough) is due in less than two weeks that hasn't been started and a statistics test was failed only days ago. I am diligently trying to improve my studies though and minimize distractions. Not that I have many distractions from my non-existent social life :).  I will celebrate another birthday in a few days and I look forward to a small party with family.

Alas, responsibility beckons me and I feel I must leave now. Do not dismay. I will write again as soon as I time allows.